Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
