If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
