xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My cat gives me a boner
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
