I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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