just tell him i said nine months
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
