I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Success! We fucked roommates!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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