When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
