I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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