Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
