She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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