Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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