If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
