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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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