The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
