Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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