I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
