remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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