consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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