I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
