my vag is so smooth its legendary
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
