I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
