I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
