you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
