I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
