not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she told me i tasted like america
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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