I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
