nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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