k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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