Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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