was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
