If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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