just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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