Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got her a Nickelback box set.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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