Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
