I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
