I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
