Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
