so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
