I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
