I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
