What did we do last night that was yellow?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
