i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
