So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
