last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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