After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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