Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Boobs speak an international language.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
