dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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