so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
