She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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