forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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