Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
