He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
