I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
